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Seedlings

Respirate everything smells like Art, Poetry, Abstract!

Singularity 

I wish someday when I look up sun pours a lot of dew drops on my face,

I wish someday the leaves in the background sing to me the song of their bloom,

I wish someday my hairs grow Anti-Gravity and I can find those fringes I was never able to solve, 

I wish someday people come to me without asking anything and leave by knowing everything,

I wish someday the chaos in my head falls in love with the peace in my heart and lead my body towards Singularity.

– Niharika Singh (Misha) 

Self-Portrait Poetry 1 (series of Abstract poetry)


​The night leaps silently into the armor of darkness without an ugh! and got stuck at mid thirteen in the clock for rest of the day. 

Then slowly open eyes to high headed sun, the armor abandoned, the darkness gone far long, the vividness of absurdity never evoked this intense and the clock got numb, 

-numb forever since then!

Don’t judge me! 

And there are days when I choose to be naive,

And there are days I choose not to open up with many or any,

And there are days I need no cushions to absorb my tears, blurred vision, smudged Kajal, swollen eyes it’s ok.

Then there are days when I choose to be melancholy, Melancholy leads me to obscure, obscure leads me to questions, questions  to redemption , redemption to solace , and solace back to melancholy. Melancholy is always a medicine to mind.

Then there are days when I fall in love,
Almost with everything, lost and and found , here and there. Just!

Days when I can be romantic about anything,

wrinkles , crinkles , opaque clarity, clearly dubious ,  extremes,  misfits , worn out sweaters and empty lipsticks,  chirped lips and crooked teeth,  smiles so wild and tears so sour.

There are days when I am less of woman and more of human and less of skin but more of bones,  

And there are days when I mother without a child,  a husband without a wife, a book all blank, angry without a slang.

Sometimes I believe in quantum so much so that become one,  you can’t ever predict my position as I am not just in duality,  I am in multitudes,  a multiplying multiverse, an atom in search of neutron, catastrophe of sublime thoughts.

Sometimes the only way to me is through words.   

And there are 365 days in an year and 365 me living each hour differently so don’t judge me for one day we met or exchanged our tounges . 

Gigantic Mystics 

Gigantic mystics (Nainitaal Travelogue)

Mountains were way more intimating than I ever thought they would be. Wanderlust is something defined best by getting lost into woods. Holding on your breath while paving through rollercoaster of molded rocks is the rhythm between peace and patience. Vastness of sky running parallel to its shadow in the lake was what majesty one can’t miss while traveling Nainital. 

When i step out after nine hours of my train journey completely exhausted and starving for sleep believe me just one view of those magnanimous mountains right in front of your eyes startled my vision with glee and all my journey seems worthy just by believing the collision of my vision with the mountains. Still it wasn’t Nainital, it was 44km before a station called Khatgodam  equally effected by the aura of gigantic upfront ahead.

Slowly and steady the roads started rising up, clouds were still far but I was already on seventh one. One road curve leading to another as if the way to Nainital is no less than the way from a woman’s body to her soul. It was immensely consuming.The extraordinary ride comes to an end and here I was in the womb of mountains, Nainital.

You know what I used to think about all glittery shades of being in mountains and close to sky but trust me it’s more of an expirence. Mountain sickness is something you have to pay both while going and returning though with no regrets I can absorb it all over again. 

Something about the people who live in mountains or areas of higher altitudes, hats off man! It’s all not fascinating and adventurous for people who resides there permanently. The roads were literally inclined upwards. Again you will realise this when you have to struggle for each taken step there. 

The Naini lake is one of the most clear water sky I could ever imagine. the tought even excites me more that how such large threshold of water frequencies are floating above mean sea level right between the lap of mountains! 

For time I was there I let myself lose and submitted to the surroundings.I let the wind to touch my scared places.I allowed the sun to welcome me.I heard  the music of water and scream or shrill mountains during the night.I let everything reply me personally.

Trekking is like good food not everyone could have it. It requires more of passion than stamina. It requires more of zest than wish. I realise this each moment, the feeling of being fearless from getting lost is the best feeling. When you adopt a place every lane leads you home and that’s how people live here permanently. Enormous trees holding more personalty than mine makes me feel nothing, and nothingness heals better than fame.  

I was a proud unknown leading a journey with no real maps.   

If you are going there for a week or two you would choose not to sleep no matter how much pale you get because the mountains shine like dandelions seeds even in the darkest nights. They will urge you to sit by them,  Beside the lake, watching the unimaginable image of star studded mountains. You just can’t control nature walking with you each step closer than earlier.

While going back it’s not just you who wave goodbye but the place too. Me and my travel exchanged few parts of our journey with the destination.There are countless number of nostalgia, series of personal events, endless viewpoints to cover up but few feelings can’t ever be translated because they meant to be felt.For a shock of mine while returning back to my home town I felt more close more obliged to the place i belong, Lucknow.The place I was leaving was no way less but still home coming holds the special smell of hunger only your bed your blanket your sunrise can fulfil. 

Who said the same sun rises everywhere no, it doesn’t. Everyday every Sun is different, every Moonset holds a story knitting around the dusk. The last Sunset of this travel sang a lullaby very close to my cosmic strings. 

Concluding this inconclusive I would say the wanderers are the people who live in oblivion and philosophy, they are nomads they belong to noone, no place and I am one of them.  Still i claim myself as a local gypsy. The more places I’ll  discover across the world the more indwell I’ll be with my home. 

10 resolving quotes. 

Here are 10 quotes I wrote when I was going through anxiety issues which I think will help you too to resolve inside:

Sometimes the abandoned lost and lustrous galaxies give rise to star clusters and planets so wild that anyone outside dare not to understand or tame the majesty but they do follow the ripples of colliding black holes while the wanderers return back to home of nowhere.

* No matter how hard you try to shape your outer world according to the frame of desires and  bliss, the longing for peace will only rest when you shape it inside.

* Talking to one’s own self may be considered as an act of madness or psychic issues but don’t listen to them who say this rather talk to yourself in the way you are with all the worries and mistakes and guilts you have,  trust me it heals. 

Once you learn how to walk you can walk all through your life but it doesn’t mean you will never fumble in future because those are the rhythms of life size invisible piano, nobody knows about the high and low notes. Only practice can make you go smoother. 


Many people are scared of experimenting new things or the things they once failed. The fear of yesterday can consume the possibilities of today. So,  remember One today holds the power to erase all the yesterdays. 

The very illusive thought about being in love is keep talking oblivion. But in reality there are gaps and silences and days without any actual conversations and those are days when people can’t believe the discourse. For that you must know if you can’t sustain with silence and accommodate gaps, you can’t ever handle love.

People underrate humour and sarcasm and overrate intelligence for which I think intelligence is fatal because it will die proving itself but humour needs no acknowledgement rather holds a sarcastic laugh and leaves.

Life is contemporary. There are furrows I don’t want to be filled, hills I regret climbing, separations I celebrate and guilts I romanticise. I do believe in magic of tears as smiles. There is purpose to eeverything until you don’t get stuck at one. 

I stay very indifferent from calculating results for all I have is this day with no past participating in it and no future ahead. 

Be a collector of stories about people who inspire, of small kids who revolt against stereotypes, or traditions left behind in the race of innovations,  of countries avoiding war by Burning themselves, and relate yourself to them, recite stories of your growth as you are young and fully functional because you can easily deny death but can’t stop wrinkles replacing glow. Utilise yourself now.


*All the pictures are self portraited mobile shots.


 


Draw Map to yourself.

Do not expect people to guide you out. Don’t expect them to eat the hurdle which falls in your plate. You look outside so much that you forget your way to inside.

You start confusing peace with pleasure, travel with treasure, adventure with amenities.

If you wake up each day to get validations, considerations and acceptance by others you will never feel satisfied and enough because when you start finding yourself among several thousands views, judgments, criticism, advice, warnings, their own failures and their own formulas to success, frustations and what not! Eventually you will start filling yourself up with vengeance, negativity, darkness, self negligence, lack of redemption, growth and self transformation because people do fake out and if you do manage to find someone honest out of the blue then you know what? 

Reality is relative, what they suggest is their own version of problems Vs solutions and is not at all ideal. Why don’t you create yours rather than borrowing it at risk of failure because even you fail, you know who to blame at first place and why? Hence, lower the risk of befooling yourself by blaming others. 

You should know yourself the best before someone else, your win, your loss, your happiness, your flaws all should be celebrated by you before the audience outside announce it Loud, your inside audience should applaud or remorse first. Inhibitions are there because we don’t talk to ourself. You belong to no ones tagline, stereotype, colour, creed, possession or obsession of someone else’s reflection because you belongs to yourself.

Success is not constant and so as failure, they are always relative to subject of comparison. The people who criticise you today may cheer for you some other day but you know whose the constant person through all your black-white-grey and blue-green days ? It’s you, recognize that !

The sooner you realise that no one is perfect enough to judge you and no one is versatile enough to understand you and no one is complete enough to fill you, the better frequencies you will witness and fuller you will feel.

So stop emptying yourself for others because the Map of your journey lies inside you and all you have to reach is for your arms hugging you like no other. 

Atheism – The Odyssey 

​Believe me it’s hard not to believe – 

I am an atheist last since 5 years from now and believe me it’s not about being trendy, cool, ignorant, arrogant, intolerant, haughty or cheek!

It was way painful initially. It was like someone suddenly said you are not who you are! It was like my curiosity pulled me into an abyss of never ending shuffle of questions and modified answers and innovations and discoveries and suddenly it seems like nothing exist for permanent except evolution and I am no sorry that the concept of God never pleased me regarding my queries. 

When I say I am Godless I don’t mean to say ‘ I am smarter than you -theists’ because when I say Godless or atheist – I am saying I am agnostic, clueless about the roots being the tree and it’s never the say of pleasure, my fellow theists! 

You know how devastating it was for me to deny the creator? You know how much anxiety I suffer even in till date I panic about loopholes, about wormholes, about blackholes, and dark matter -Yeah you guessed it right a physics enthusiast i am and I agree science is more familiar and kind towards my question of existence than God who choose not to answer anything directly! 

I am not saying I am getting any kind of satisfaction being a non-believer but definitely I nurture my curiosity each day being in search of that invisible, invincible! 

Experimenting God is so necessary now!

At-least I am not quitting against my anxiety and accepting the stereotypical, unreasonable legacies letting me into illusions of arrange marriage with the concept of God ! 

How can someone with no eyes to go through and no lips to follow – wants me to believe the unsaid  because being a writer I can read a blank face but not Literally! 

But I am thankful towards God for putting this question in my mind that if not He than Who? 

To be frank I know atheists are in the mid of nowhere, I know they struggle daily, I know when they say “atheist” people Judge them in no time, I know how it feels not having anyone to pray but to pay hardwork for anything you desire.

The biggest confusion I face while explaining myself to people is while making them understand that I am an atheist but I am Spiritual! Making them realise that No ! Spiritually is not all about having an imaginary creator’s acceptance.

Rather I can’t explain you my chaos of being an atheist. People who believe in god – Listen, I respect you, no offence but please don’t drag me into your world of imaginary enchantments or announcements I never heard to witness.   

I can’t just accept the reason you believe in God because everyone does the same and because you need faith to rest upon- because STOP! ” Faith is independent of God “ unless you are desiring out something from it! 

For the sake of reasoning–

“Believing is too old to innovate and question, I believe that temporary is the only permanent, I believe every moment is new and fresh and indifferent with the previous, I believe I should question each and everything I am theistic for – each day so that I can answer my world of atheists and discard myself if I fail to! ” 

For I am not growing old but transforming young peeling off my skin to let my soul be one with the universe and to Resonate with it’s natural frequency of Atheistic hymns.

Lend me your Spine 

Most people don’t have it actually, Spine or the backbone or the vertebral column or the descent of Medulla Oblongata touching your Kundalini. 

No biologically they have it but mentally they are too empty to standing with their words nowadays. When I need people – rare of the rare times though, I want them to lend me their spine, their stretch of confidence, their sheer firm. 
I see more spine in the kids than in adults or grown ups kids(teens) you can say. It’s easy to find spine in dogs than people. They literally suck when it comes to concrete taboo issues Like Sex and women , Rape culture, Marriage, Equality and Equity, Patriarchy, Existentialism, Religion .

I am not saying getting vulnerable is weak or getting weak is bad or being bad is permanent because permanent is the biggest transience. What I mean to say is so much hidden in every reader, that it’s ok to wear an opinion, that it’s ok get judgemental after observations, that it is ok to take stand and debate, that it’s ok to say I have a spine for every thing changing into clarity and more substantial. 

Every water Drop is capable of withdrawing an Ocean inside, just trust the potential. 

Don’t let yourself being drown somewhere inside the opaque chaos of Stereotypical legacy. Talk and appreciate, talk and criticise, talk and redeem -but initiate. No topic is taboo, no subject is characterless or sacred or dark when you hold a backbone flexible enough to bring it into lights. 

Modelling or Metaphor ?

​I really don’t know what you perceive when I say modelling. For some it’s the collection of stylish clothes, shimmery lip colours, flawlessly flowing hair and what not ! But then accordingly -I am a complete outsider in case of modelling. 

I am no model for advertising anything which is less than being human. I don’t go for waxing, threading or shopping before getting myself clicked, yes I like it that way – random, rugged, crude and raw.

 I like people wearing stories rather than make up, I like eyes not with perfect strokes of eyeliner or kajal on it but the smokiness  of smudged black around. People like me prefer to wear Metaphors around their palms, their curves are not perfect but they convince them like their child, their ankles are locked with freedom of flats rather than those suffocating fancy heals and by saying all these materialistic things.

I am not at-all criticising those models who put a lot of efforts in getting ready but it’s just I am trying to explain how effortless I believe in being the subject for the object(camera). 

So hence, If it’s not the hierarchical modeling then Either I may be a complete Noob or a Revolution, but I do it this was only, my way, the way most humans without layers could touch and resonate. 

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